LIGHT for MI

Love that Inspires Growth and Hope through Trials

Love that Inspires Growth and Hope through Trials

Mental Illness and Our Take on It
Blog

Our Struggles, Our Testimonies, Our Hopes, Our Dreams

Often times I am asked why I am always so depressed and many times I am also asked what triggers my depression. So, I wish to turn this question over to those enslaved to depression. Why are you depressed? What triggers it? These are rhetorical questions for you to ponder on your own...
 
For me, it is often triggered by all the usual things that people deal with and media as well. Most times when I'm triggered, it is by a song that I did not suspect would trigger me, because it used to be a song I'd go to make me happy... But once that one trigger is started, I often go and listen to music that I know will make it worse, just to fuel that feeling.
 
Depression doesn't make sense. We all know this. You want out of it, but you also feel comfortable in it. Feeling free and whole is the unknown, so you rather just stay where you are and survive it, yet you also know you can't keep surviving that way, and you know that the only way out is to go beyond the realm of the known.
 
It is a confusing emotion, it is always anger turned inwards. That is where the line "I hate myself" comes from, anger towards yourself. It is confusing and addicting. Depression is the drug that needs no money to pay for it. But the price is more costly than money. So that is why there is therapy, because we are so addicted to the hate and anger we have with ourselves, we no longer know how to function without it, so the coping skills have to replace it.
 
With such information, what will you do with it? You can go on allowing depression to define you, and stay right where you are and never improve. Or you can take a stand for yourself, for others, and chase after the unknown. Depression is like snow, you cannot stop the snow, but you can plow through it in perseverance or you can lock yourself up in your home to avoid it. What is your action here? Ultimately, it is up to you, and you alone.
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Well, Hello world! Been silent over in LIGHTforMI lately, huh? To be bluntly honest, I have been trying to avoid this entire idea of towing the line of continuing a ministry about mental illness on my own while my mother was in college. In fact, I actually didn't want to continue in the ministry at all. I was kind of falling away from my own therapy and use of coping skills... And so, I thought in light of this truth, I'd talk about what therapeutic skills have helped me personally when depressed.

 

  • Music - I have found that music has impacted my life in wondrous and mighty ways. A few things I really enjoy to do are singing, dancing, playing, and listening to the beauty of the melodies, rhythms and vocals of music. It's in my veins like lightning.
  • Reading - I have found that reading is a great escape for me, as it is for many, I am sure. When I picked up a book and relate with a fictional character, I just don't feel alone anymore. That connection I have with a character helps me through some really tough time. Even in nonfiction, I find a connection with the author of the book and sees things I've never noticed before.
  • Movies - I love to watch inspiring Christian and non-Christians films with an uplifting message in particular. I always walk away changed, even if I've watched it more than once... it's always an encouragement when I need it...

 

Those before mentioned things are the general things that many others do as well, always should have a balance in them... it's better to avoid listening, reading or watching something that triggers you even more-- which many may think is obvious, and it is... but it typically it is the last thing someone who is depressed wants to do... DO IT ANYWAY!

 

Some other things that helps me, and these are more personal to me... Writing prayers, poems, stories, and creating art helps me to find a release that isn't selfharm. I also find that a balance in the time I spend alone or with friends and family is quite helpful. Crafts, games, and other things are nice as well, sometimes... So what do you guys do to cope in troubled times? Comment below and let's discuss this!

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Where have we been? I guess I could say that I have been dealing with the aftermath of my daughter's suicide attempt. Missed that? It was a rough ordeal that I couldn't write about until she announced it. Am I over it? No. Am I dealing with it? Yes. Constructively? I think so. I hope so. January has already flown by, and we are in the midst of February. Time sure flies by when you're having fun.

I'm not going to be blogging very much in the next few months. I'll blog when I get the chance. Hopefully Arianna will keep everyone informed. Why? Well, I went back to college to try to complete a degree in Information Technology, Web Development concentration. It keeps me on my toes, and I'm learning a lot. Prayers would be appreciated.

Do you or a family member suffer from mental illness? How do you cope through the rough times? Do you need help? Are you coping? Let me know in the comments...

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Yesterday is Over -- Disciple

 

'Twas a rough year, but it was good year. God was with me through it all... If He wasn't, I'd not be alive and here. There are things I regret and things I wouldn't change for anything. I'm learning to let the regrets go. I have so many plans and ideas, but my main goal is to grow more in Christ. I want to walk with confidence, to let go of the past, to look to the prize, by the power of the cross. I want to be more active in my ministry... I finished writing the poetry for The Promised Rainbow (originally known as Rainbow Slices) and now, I'm going to work on illustrations for it...

 

I am very tired of procrastinating... so, I'm aiming to finish my homeschool, to finish a novel, to publish something, to see friends... I want to use my scars for the healing of others.... I am so ready to un-arse the bed and actually leave the past behind for the Lord to redeem, and continue, by His grace and power, to grow in Him and follow His calling... as the song I linked above says; 

"Open up your hands
And let go of what’s behind you (Philippians 3:13-14)
The past can’t hurt you anymore
Or keep you on the ground (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Will you let this be the moment,
That you let go of yourself (Luke 9:23)
Let His Love hold on to you (Isaiah 41:13; Psalm 73:22-26)

And He won’t let go, and He won’t let go (Deuteronomy 31:8; John 10:28)
His eyes are always set on you (Psalm 33:18)
His arms are always holding you (Isaiah 40:11)
And He won’t let go
But You gotta let go of everything (Hebrews 12:1)
You gotta let go of everything"

I want to do all this, but I think my biggest chain is worry and shame. I've stayed put so long just because I'd focus on the shame of my past, and worry about my fate in the future... In 2015, I want that to be different. I want to move where God moves. I want to trust Him... But, I know words and desires are all well and good... it's the acting on it that makes the difference... so pray for me on every first day of the rest of my life... every single new day that dawns that I will have the attitude of "Your Kingdom come, Your Will be done on earth as it is in heaven"... in fact, pray for that to happen in every sister and brother of the faith....

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Been a very rough month. Part of me cannot wait for 2015 to come...yet the other part is afraid of 2015's coming. The years of 2013 and 2014 has been nothing but war against myself, against demons, against my family, against my better judgments... If that was all that was going on with me, though, it'd be easier compared to what happened on December 15th. I was rushed to the emergency room after an attempted suicide through overdose. I obviously survived, so I was sent to the psych hospital. Went through various forms of therapy, had to be around people seemingly 24/7. I returned home, but now I am fighting the shame and guilt of what I had done. If I could rewrite it, I would remove this stain from my history in a heartbeat... Alas, I not only have to battle with my shame... I also have to battle with feeling inferior and feeble. I cannot handle certain sounds, or they'll set of my spasms... I'm often in my bedroom, taking walks, hiding from people, avoiding direct communication, and doing all of it alone. Being around people drains me, talking to anyone saps me of my energy... even through texts it seems now... But the worst of this are the feelings of shame, being unable to forgive myself, unable to help with much around the house, helpless, fear, and despair and feeling them on my own with nobody to hear me. I am greatly thankful that God didn't take me up yet, but I still am troubled... So all this week, I have been praying, reaching out to God, waiting for the sunrise of a new chapter... (The piece of art in this post was one I made about the feelings I have and yet knowing there is hope for a light in the distance.)
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Who We Are

Arianna
Arianna LIGHT for MI

Arianna is a proud authoress, artist, and musician, but the most important thing about her is; she seeks the hidden face of God with a passion. A lover of culture, art, music, and all things geeky and Celtic, her writings are often greatly impacted by these things.

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Valerie
Valerie LIGHT for MI

Valerie is the wife of a remarkable man, and the mother of three children, with two of whom having various degrees of mental illness. Valerie is no stranger to mental illness herself as a sufferer of depression on and off for years.

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