Well, well, well... LIGHTforMI has been AWOL for a while, haven't we? Life just got busy and emergencies cropped up. We are fairly settled in and everything is unfurling well. But, anyhoo... I wanted to tell you guys that I started going to New Day Clubhouse, working in the administrative unit! Life has gotten easier to cope with. Not perfect, but, I am glad to say that I am not allowing myself to stay home too much. :) Meanwhile, I have started many projects in arts, crafting and writing and music as my coping skills... We will be sure to update as soon as we are able, but at this time, I am unsure of where to begin... God bless y'all!
'twas a difficult time for me, this month... I have been seriously struggling with my depression. What with losing three friends and having horrific nightmares. I've gotten back into an old obsession-- the anime show; Naruto. When watching the linked scene, it pierced through my heart... "You even rejected the one who tried to help you..." When Gaara was weeping that, I felt like God was speaking to me through that video... It helped me to realize that Jesus is weeping that. I've grieved him greatly.
I constantly gave into my addiction to porn and eroticas and cut a lot but that image of tears in Gaara's eyes reminded me of Jesus. Of course, I know that might sound silly... but God uses all my media choices to reveal images to me. I've gone 7 days without looking at eroticas and porn. Also gone 9 days without cutting, now! I wrote/listened to/took these to get through it all:
I fight a hardcore battle. The severity of the war of my mind is so oppressing. I have blood spilling from my wrists and tears raining from my eyes... I am but a bystander. I didn't ask for this war. Don't look at me if you're looking for perfection. I may look strong; I might be kind. I may look courageous and like I've never cried a single tear. But I'm imperfect; and I'm my worse enemy. I cry behind locked doors and into my pillow.
I am just a child in a suit of armour, traumatized by the explosions and afraid of the warcries... I am no citizen, I am an immigrant. I am no soldider, I am a healer. I am no warrior, I am a bard. My home is not here it is beyond... I am not called to train to make wound but to heal them; but every time I aim to do exactly that, I end up hurting them more... Just don't look to me to be your perfect lil emotionless robot to do all you say with no concern for myself... I am only human.
And for all of your information, for a long time, I felt God nudging me to write my life story. I fought him, but I'm finally writing it! I feel someone could learn from or better yet, be comforted by it... I'm hoping my story is inspiring...
Well, Hello world! Been silent over in LIGHTforMI lately, huh? To be bluntly honest, I have been trying to avoid this entire idea of towing the line of continuing a ministry about mental illness on my own while my mother was in college. In fact, I actually didn't want to continue in the ministry at all. I was kind of falling away from my own therapy and use of coping skills... And so, I thought in light of this truth, I'd talk about what therapeutic skills have helped me personally when depressed.
Those before mentioned things are the general things that many others do as well, always should have a balance in them... it's better to avoid listening, reading or watching something that triggers you even more-- which many may think is obvious, and it is... but it typically it is the last thing someone who is depressed wants to do... DO IT ANYWAY!
Some other things that helps me, and these are more personal to me... Writing prayers, poems, stories, and creating art helps me to find a release that isn't selfharm. I also find that a balance in the time I spend alone or with friends and family is quite helpful. Crafts, games, and other things are nice as well, sometimes... So what do you guys do to cope in troubled times? Comment below and let's discuss this!
Where have we been? I guess I could say that I have been dealing with the aftermath of my daughter's suicide attempt. Missed that? It was a rough ordeal that I couldn't write about until she announced it. Am I over it? No. Am I dealing with it? Yes. Constructively? I think so. I hope so. January has already flown by, and we are in the midst of February. Time sure flies by when you're having fun.
I'm not going to be blogging very much in the next few months. I'll blog when I get the chance. Hopefully Arianna will keep everyone informed. Why? Well, I went back to college to try to complete a degree in Information Technology, Web Development concentration. It keeps me on my toes, and I'm learning a lot. Prayers would be appreciated.
Do you or a family member suffer from mental illness? How do you cope through the rough times? Do you need help? Are you coping? Let me know in the comments...